The Northern lights

"Wake up, Jackie" my mother whispered.  Her voice sounded harsh as it broke through the sacred stillness reserved for the sleeping hours. 

                  

          I stirred underneath the warm blankets without opening my eyes.  My brothers were both awake and moving around in the room next to me.  My thin pajamas clung to my skin while I struggled with the decision to actually wake up.  The lights turned on in the hallway as my older brother entered the bathroom next to the living room.  I had fallen asleep on the couch again.  I guess we were all waking up for some reason.  

         

"Jackie, Wake up."  She said with a tone of obvious annoyance.

I tried to open my eyes but they burned from the light.  My mother stood over my bed, awake and dressed to leave the house. It was three o'clock in the morning in the dead of winter.  The dark outside was deep and settled, as only it could be in the small town of Fairbanks, Alaska. Forty below was a constant and I was sure the temperature was something close to the norm.   

“What’s wrong?” I finally asked as my eyes adjusted to the light.  I was slowly adjusting to the consciousness that had been plunged upon me. 

“Nothing” she responded.  “We are going northern Lights chasing- hurry up!”

When my mother said we were going to do something, we did it.  Especially when I was younger, there was never the thought of an alternative.  I finally pulled my blanket off me and stumbled to the bathroom where the light still hurt my eyes.

          At the time, we were staying in a two bedroom apartment that lacked heat. My twin bed frame was pushed all the way up against the wall by the heating register and at night, I would wrap my blanket around myself and drape it down the side of the bed towards the heater to let the heat come into the blanket with me.  Sometimes, if it was especially cold, I would slide my body to the edge of the bed closest to the wall and sleep over the crack between my bed frame and the wall so the heat would be right at my back. This particular night, the heat was doing its job and I didn’t want to leave its warmth. 

          I shared the room with my mom. She had a big queen sized waterbed that she slept in on one side of the room.  I liked sitting on it because you could feel the water slosh underneath you but I hated the bed because filling up the water tubes every time we moved was a chore that usually fell to me.

After my mother and father divorced, my mom bought a little red station wagon that idled too hard and blew out black exhaust while it ran. I was always amazed at the black trail that stained the snow behind the car when it ran in one place for too long.  It was the first car she had ever owned on her own but it wasn’t very reliable.  I always expected it to break down.  These expectations were something new that was becoming a constant.  Before the divorce, we lived in military housing and never had to worry about cars breaking down or whether the heat would be warm enough to keep me cozy without an extra blanket. 

          After much grumbling and stalling, my two brothers and I piled into the red station wagon and drove somewhere.  I remember falling back to sleep in the car underneath the blankets we brought with us.  When we got to our destination, my mother woke us up, (which we begrudgingly allowed) and told us to look outside.   The sky was alight with the beautiful, dancing green lights of the aurora borealis!  The colors swirled and danced a magical dance to music only known by the heavens.  It was one of the most magical things I have ever seen.  We stared at the sky for what seemed like hours, all hint of sleepiness completely forgotten.  I was lost in the beauty of the night.  We rolled the windows down despite the choking cold.  My older brother wrapped himself in a blanket and stood outside with my mom.  My little brother and I stayed in the car wrapped up to our faces in warmth.  The old stung my cheeks but my eyes stayed focused on those dancing lights.  My mother brought us wonder that night. Even though looking back now, I realize my mom was most likely caught up in one of the manic highs of bi-polarism, this memory stands blazed in my mind as one of the many spontaneous, crazy things my mom did in my lifetime but with this memory in particular, I remember what it was like to be dazzled by nature.